Awake
by kitsune79
Summary: "Within minutes, they were out of bullets. In the chaos that ensued, Dani managed to scramble to the backroom and lock herself in. From there, she heard the screams. Not amount of pushing her fingers into her ears could ever stop them." Set between Seasons 2 & 3 - Carl is saved by a woman with a heavy secret. Please read and review.
1. Awake

The leaves were trembling in the strong autumn wind, fragile, ready to float down to the floor. The rain had cleared and some sun rays were tearing through the unfurling clouds. Ripples danced on the broad puddles that caught the late afternoon light. Slowly, Dani walked towards the middle of the field, stood still, and looked up to the patches of blue sky. She felt more awake than she had felt in days, relishing the cold air on her face, taking in each sound, each smell around her.

The bolt hit her in the back of the head and she collapsed slowly to the ground, like a falling tree.


	2. Hunter and prey

_A week earlier_

It'd been a long day on the road, but they had seen no walkers and that was encouragement in itself. For once, they might be able to relax and get some rest, if only they could find shelter. The evenings came quicker, and they were desperate for a warm place to spend the night. Their bodies ached from sleeping in the cars and from the cold that crept up on them as soon as the sun went down.

Daryl had found the barn a little way off the main road. He and Rick carefully checked the surroundings and found nothing alive or dead in the nearby woods. Once they barricaded themselves in, they would be safe enough, provided they kept the light and noise low. The lure of warm hay and shelter made them decide to risk leaving the cars a little way off, as they couldn't drive them down the rocky, overgrown drive.

They trudged down the lane, the women huddled together, their spirit lifted by the promise of a better night's sleep than they had had in weeks.

The herd of walkers took them by surprise before they even got halfway to the barn. They came round the bend of the road, stumbling along slowly, yet all moving in the same general direction as if summoned by a dark call. Beth saw them first. She blanched and squeezed her father's arm. The herd was bigger than the one at the farm, and they were cutting the bedraggled survivors off from the cars.

Rick and Daryl didn't need more than a glance at each other to assess the situation. They knew they didn't have enough ammo to take on the walkers, who had not yet noticed their potential prey. Keeping going towards the barn would expose them, and the herd would tear it apart if they knew flesh was to be found inside. The best course of action was to creep to the surrounding woods, and if their luck held, they could disappear in there until the walkers had passed. Silently, the group had reformed and melted into the darkness.

Lori stifled a cry when she realised Carl was no longer behind her. A mix of angry and anxious whispers ran through the group. The overpowering stench of death, the moans, told them how close the walkers were - calling after the boy would only draw unwanted attention. Rick hesitated, scanning the darkness for his son, wildly hoping he had only fallen behind a bit and would appear between the trees any second.

A shot ran through the night, closely followed by a few others. Then, silence. Lori squeezed her clenched fist into her mouth, fighting the urge to scream.

Daryl didn't wait.

They couldn't lose another kid. Not after Sophia.

Sophia. Daryl gritted his teeth. He had held on to hope with a wordless rage. Ran, crawled, bled to find that lil' girl. Dreamt of bringing her back safe. All that for nothin'.

He'd never forget Sophia shuffling hesitantly out of Hershel's barn, eyes dead, teeth bared. Carol had collapsed like she was dead too, then struggled against his arms with all her might to try and reach the little girl that no longer was. The wailing echoed in his mind and made his head ache.

Not another kid. Not tonight.

He raced relentlessly, crossbow at the ready, oblivious to anything else. He no longer was the prey, cowering away in the bushes. He was the hunter, the tracker. That's what he did best. He _would_ find Carl. He had to.


	3. The Kid

The kid was scrambling to his feet and fumbling with his gun, but the desperate clicks told the tale of an empty barrel. He'd be ripped apart in less than a minute. Dani picked up a log and hit the walker on the head, as hard as her failing strength allowed her. It was enough, though, and the walker's decaying skull broke with a mushy sound.

- You OK, kid? she enquired.

- I think so, he panted, his eyes wide. Thanks.

He was pale and shaking, his lip trembling, but his gaze was steely. Dani guessed he had seen too much death already.

"We shouldn't stay here. Come along, we'll hide a bit further."

The boy nodded and they crept hurriedly to the thickness of the wood. It wasn't the time for questions and introductions. The moans echoed through the chilly night, and he shivered. Protectively, Dani put her hand on his shoulder.

- We'll be OK, kid. I'm Dani. What's your name?

- Carl.

- Are you on your own?

- No. I lost my folks while we were running. They're on the other side."

They peered between the branches and brambles, across the road. The herd walked on, a steady flow of jerky, awkward steps, flesh-hungry and unstoppable.

"Ah, said Dani. That might be a bit of a problem."

There was a simple way to do this. But could Carl be persuaded? She needed to think. If there was any alternative, she'd try that first.

Further down, the road made a bend. After that, it came under a bridge. If they could only reach it, they could cross safely, out of sight.

She grasped his hand. "Come with me. I'll get you back to your folks."

Carl moved noiselessly as a cat. She tried her best to be as silent, but her legs kept betraying her. He made no comment though. She wondered if he trusted her because she saved his bacon, or because there was still much of a child in him, willing to let adults take charge. They made very slow but steady progress towards the bridge, keeping to the cover of the thicket, pausing whenever a walker got too close.

Once they got to the bridge, however, Dani realised it wouldn't be that easy. Quite a few walkers had shuffled their way up there too, and there was very little cover. If they wanted to get across, she had no choice now. She turned to the boy.

"Carl. I need you to trust me and I swear to you we'll make it to the other side, to your people, safe and sound. But you need to do exactly as I say."

He nodded.


	4. The tracker

Daryl pressed on, eyes narrowed, using every bit of moonlight he could get while staying undercover as much as possible. He followed the direction the shots had come from, since that was the best clue to Carl's whereabouts. Once thing he knew for sure: the kid was probably out of ammo, so he _had_ to find him as soon as possible.

He dispatched a walker that got too close and reached a clearing. There he slowed, moving sideways, eyes darting around him for any sign of danger, or any sign of Carl. Suddenly, he froze as something rustled in the woods opposite. Crossbow armed and ready, he waited.

Slowly, the silhouette of another walker emerged from the cover of the trees. The hunter's fingers were already pulling the trigger when a loud whisper came from the advancing shadow.

"Daryl!"

He swung the crossbow wildly to the side and the arrow planted itself in a tree trunk, missing its intended target by mere inches.

"Carl?"

A few hurried paces took him up to Carl and to the person stood right behind him - the woman Daryl had almost shot. Her hands were placed protectively on Carl's shoulders, yet at the same time, it almost looked like she was leaning on him for support. She was shaking all over. She brought hear finger to her lips. "More walkers back there", she hushed, pointing behind her. "Let's move".

After retrieving his arrow, Daryl led the march back through the woods, towards the group. Carl and the woman kept silent.

Clumsy one, he thought. Kept trippin' over. She'd be leading the walkers to them if she wasn't more careful. Still, she got the kid somehow. That was somethin'.

The tracker shrugged. He had to keep both eyed peeled – watch out for danger, and retrace his steps back to the others. That didn't seem to take half as long as it had taken to reach the clearing.

Lori saw them first and threw herself forward.

"Carl, baby! I'm so sorry! You're OK, you're OK!" she whimpered as she half smothered her son in her embrace.

"Gonna be even more sorry if walkers hear us, lady." Daryl hissed. "How 'bout you keep it down?" This earned him a glare, but they all knew he was right. They retreated further into the thick of the trees and waited in silence as the death stink slowly passed, then gradually faded as the herd staggered on and away.


	5. Human

It was dawn before the group made it back to the cars. They had waited in the dark, not speaking, fists clenched. Weariness bent their shoulders as they huddled together. Three stragglers from the herd were noiselessly dispatched by the man Carl had called Daryl. His crossbow shots were deadly efficient.

Dani had tagged along without a word, and now stood a little distance from them, unsure of what to do.

Daryl was surveying the group, together with a grim-looking man who seemed to be the leader. His jaw was tight, his eyes red and his cheeks hollow. Carl's mom hadn't let go of his hand since they got reunited, despite the boy's protests. Dani observed the other survivors. A white-haired man was hugging a blond teenager, his daughter by all accounts, and from time to time he'd glance at a dark-haired, determined-looking young woman holding the arm of a young Asian lad. An African American man was looking up the leader, and a slender, silver-haired lady gazed in the distance, her eyes filled with untold grief. They looked like close-knit group, almost like a family.

Humanity. Comfort. Warmth. Dani was craving these things above all else. She had felt achingly lonely in this new, cruel world, and the thought of being turned away by those people consumed her with fear. She looked up hesitantly as the leader addressed her in dull, yet stern tones.

- Who are you?

- My name's Dani.

She let her hair fall before her face, not daring to even hope.

- Dad, she saved me. Twice, Carl interjected.

The man's expression softened.

- Is there anyone else with you?

- No one. Not anymore.

Her voice broke. The man stepped forward and gingerly put a hand on her shoulder, which made her flinch.

- It's OK, Dani. You saved my son. That's good enough for me. We need to stand together in this mess. My name's Rick. Here is my wife Lori; Daryl, Hershel and his daughters Beth and Maggie, Glenn, T-Dog and Carol.

At long last, Dani relaxed and allowed herself to breathe out. She would have cried if she had been able to.

- All right people, Rick called out. We're all tired, we haven't slept, but we need to press on. This area isn't safe and the more distance we put between the herd and us, the better.

They set off and reached the main road, where they had apparently left their cars for a reason Dani couldn't quite fathom. Rick and his family led her to their vehicle and she sat in the back next to Carl.

- Thanks for saving my life, the boy said.

- I'm the one who should thank you. Without you, I'd still be own my own out there.

Lori turned around to face them. Her face was lined and weary, but her smile was warm and genuine.

- You're welcome, hon. And I'll just thank you too, for Carl.

Dani nodded and the cars set off.


	6. Screams

Eventually, the group found a deserted convenience store by the side of the road. After the men had thoroughly checked it, everyone barricaded themselves inside for the night. They kept the lights low and Daryl offered to take first watch.

Maggie and Glenn were chatting in a low voice, and Beth rested her head on her dad's shoulder. Everyone looked weary in the extreme. Dani sat with her back to the wall next to Carl. She instinctively seeked his presence as her best ally should things turn sour.

Carol turned to the newcomer and offered an encouraging smile.

"Where have you come from, Dani?"

She didn't really want to explain, but refusing to talk would raise their suspicions. Besides, she didn't have to tell them _everything_.

"My family and I were from Macon, she began. I was with my father and brother when the shit hit the fan - my Mom died when Lee and I were kids - Lee is - was my brother. We didn't listen to advice on the broadcasts; instead we set off in my Dad's van with some essentials, thinking it best to keep away from cities."

She saw Rick wince.

"We kept moving places. One day we stopped to get supplies from a store. It looked safe enough. We hadn't seen or heard any walkers. But they were there all right. We got surrounded. We ran out of ammo, couldn't make it back to the van. I barely escaped."

She paused and hung her head down, her long brown hair tumbling down her face.

"They didn't make it. Lee, my Dad. That was two weeks ago. I've been on the road on my own since."

The group stayed silent. There was nothing to say and they knew it. Carol squeezed Dani's arm reassuringly, but Dani pulled away and kept staring at the floor.

Dani felt too tired to attempt taking part in the little conversation that followed, which revolved around plans for the next day, or the lack thereof. Eventually, everyone fell into a restless sleep.

Except Dani. She could still hear the screams.

_There was some canned food and even some jam. They opened their packs and started filling them up as much as they could, whispering excitedly to each other. Suddenly, Lee bumped into some shelving and liquor bottles crashed to the floor. The noise echoed across the empty store and into the street. Dani screwed her eyes shut and held her breath. __Within minutes, __alerted by the sound, they came. Dani's family shot a few, but more appeared after them, a hungry swarm, oozing into the store. I__t wasn't long before __they were out of bullets. In the chaos that ensued, Dani managed to scramble to the backroom and lock herself in. From there, she heard the screams. Not amount of pushing her fingers into her ears could ever stop them. They bounced in her head like white noise, like crashing thunder, endlessly._


	7. Questions

**Questions**

They had been staying at the convenience store for a few days when Carl finally asked her. Dani knew he would eventually. In all honesty, she was surprised his questions hadn't come any sooner, as much as she had been dreading them.

Carl was still, in many ways, a child, with a very clear-cut view of himself and the world. On the second day, he had told her about Randall. Dani shivered at how he had coldly encouraged his own father to shoot him – to Carl, the other boy was dangerous, and that was that. He had learned that not all people should be trusted. Though he still unconsciously placed them in either of two categories: people were good or evil, with no place for grey areas in between. Dani felt lucky he had labelled her "a good person", and she really hoped he wouldn't change his mind.

Her thoughts turned to Carl's trust in his father. Everyone needed some kind of anchor, something or someone to rely on when everything falls apart, and all the more in this threatening new world. For better, for worse, Rick was that anchor to the rest of the group, and he would do everything he could to keep his group safe. She had little hope he would respond kindly if Carl told him her secret.

Dani had always believed in telling the truth – that was how she'd been raised. But could that truth be told to Carl? Yes, he was a child in many ways, but he had seen enough pain and death to make him reflective and wise beyond his years. His opinions were still clear-cut, but he thought about them carefully before embracing them.

Would he tell his father, or could she count on his continued trust and discretion? After all, he had not once mentioned what really had happened the night she saved him, to any of them. And the kid was loyal. She had seen that.

Carl could be her best ally. She took a step of faith.

"I'm going to tell you something about me, Carl. Can I trust you not to tell anyone else?"


	8. Squirrels

"What the fuck?"

Daryl stared at the empty satchel. She'd been stealin' his squirrels again. It wasn't like he wouldn't give some to her if she bloody asked. It wasn't even like there wasn't food enough. So what the fuck was up with Dani stealin' his squirrels?

What the fuck was up with Dani eatin' anyway?

Didn't ever eat what was in front of her. Played around with it and ended up givin' it to Carl when she thought nobody was watchin'.

And now she was stealin' his squirrels. Not like they were that hard to shoot. Not like he cared. But seriously, that woman was a nutjob.

He shrugged to himself. Whatever.

* * *

Carl watched Daryl open the satchel on his bike, let out a curse and stomp off. He shook his head – that wasn't good, Dani needed to be more careful.

He looked around the camp, but she was nowhere to be seen. Carl walked slowly to the edge of the field, gripping his gun, scanning the treeline for any sign of her. Dani going off on her own – that was another dangerous thing to do.

- Carl.

The boy jumped. He hadn't heard his father coming.

- Stay close. I know you're brave, but I don't want you to run into unnecessary danger.

As they walked back to the group, Rick put a weary arm around his son's shoulder. He had started treating him more like an adult, and this new-found trust and respect made Carl feel stronger and bolder.

They kept the fire low and cooked rice on the embers, and were soon joined by Dani. Rick looked at her for a long moment before speaking up.

- I've welcomed you as part of our group, Dani. I would appreciate it if you didn't endanger your safety and the group's by walking off by yourself.

- Sorry, the girl mumbled. Just needed to stretch my legs, that's all.

- There's plenty of space enough to stretch them within the boundaries of the camp, Rick stated.

She nodded and sat on the floor by Carl. As the others started discussing safe routes south, the boy scooted closer to her and whispered:

- I think Daryl's noticed you've been taking his squirrels.

- Shoot. Do you think he'll say anything?

- I dunno, he shrugged. But you oughta be careful.

- I don't know what else I can do, Carl. Dammit, it's not like I have a choice.

- I know.

The boy looked at her sadly, and held her hand. He couldn't even tell her she'd be OK, because it was pretty obvious she wouldn't. Still, he would tell no one. He had promised her, and he didn't like to think what the others would do if they knew.


	9. Sleepless

Sleep had been eluding Dani ever since she'd lost Lee and her Dad. Tonight was no different and thoughts whirled in her mind.

That night, they had set up camp in the middle of a field. It was slightly high up, so they could see for a good distance - they'd take turns keeping watch. Dani had offered to help, but she'd seen the scoff in Rick's and Daryl's eyes. She knew what they were thinking. How could that thin, clumsy woman be any good at keeping watch?

Because I won't fall asleep, that's why, she thought to herself. She hated feeling so useless to them. To their credit, they never once called her out on it. Did they let her stay because she'd saved Carl, or out of simple human compassion? It didn't matter. At least they were showing no signs of turning her away. They were rather friendly to her, actually, except maybe Daryl who often glared at her. Hell, after all, Daryl glared at pretty much everyone. Yet, she could tell he cared about them - about the group. He'd do anything to protect them. The group were family, through thick and thin, to the shedding of blood. That would have moved Dani to tears, if she had had any tears left to shed. There was still human warmth in this death-filled world.

She thought back to Daryl. He had a knack for creeping up on people unnoticed that unsettled her quite a bit. While everyone else was setting up camp, he had gone off hunting in the nearby woods. Before darkness fell he had suddenly reappeared in front if her and dropped two dead squirrels in her lap, mumbling, "Here ya go. No need ter go an' sneak by my tent ter steal them, gal." Then he had simply walked off. She had remained stunned and scared. She watched him from a distance all evening, dreading what else he might say to her. Would he, too, demand an explanation to her behaviour? She could not tell him. Not Daryl. He'd be the last person to be understanding of her situation.

Luckily, there was Carl. She didn't feel quite so alone, now that he knew. They didn't talk about it much, but he looked at her somewhat protectively now, like she was in his care. The boy was brave, there was no doubt about that. His skills with a gun were improving everyday and he didn't seem afraid to help clear an area off walkers, much to his Mom's dismay. However, Rick gave Lori little say in the matter. Whatever hung between those two, Dani couldn't fathom. She knew that Lori was pregnant - did Rick resent her for bringing such a huge additional difficulty to their fraught group? That seemed rather unfair, if that was the case. After all, it takes two to tango.

Dani got up from her sleeping bag. The dazed restlessess brought on by lack of sleep possessed her and maybe walking would do her good. She looked around the camp. Some people huddled together for warmth. She envied them that closeness, missed it dreadfully. At least, Carl would hug her once in a while. The others never got close to her, but to be fair to them, she always recoiled when they attempted to touch her.

She shut her eyes for a moment. Her thoughts were getting so muddy, thinking had become such an effort. She felt incredibly tired and she wished she could just curl up, sleep and not wake up ever again. But that wasn't an option. She tried to focus her mind again.

"My name is Dani, she muttered. I am twenty-three years old. In the old world I had a dog. I was a ballet dancer. I wanted to become a physiotherapist. I had a brother called Lee. I had a father called Charlie. My name is... Dani."

"Dani? Is that you? You oughta be careful, girl. I almost shot you, thought you were a walker. If I hadn't heard you talk..."

She startled. Rick was standing a few paces from her. She hung her head and let her hair fall in front of her face.

- Sorry. I couldn't sleep.

- It's OK. You can keep watch with me, if you want.

- Yeah. Thanks.

He looked at her kindly and they started walking slowly across the campsite.

- I can never thank you enough, you know. For saving Carl.

- Don't mention it. I'm just grateful you took me in.

- You never did say, how did you come to help him? What happened?

Dani clenched her jaw. Had Carl said anything to his Dad? She doubted it. If he had, Rick would have confronted her by now. But maybe that was exactly what he was doing. Her stomach tightened in knots. Rick was a good man, but goodness was a relative term. He was the kind of guy who'd step up and help people, _provided they were no threat to his group_. And that was the whole crunch.

- I was hiding away from the herd. I heard the shots. At first I stayed put, because gunshots are rarely good news. But then I heard a sort of strangled scream, a child's voice. So I ran up to where the noise was coming from. Your Carl was on the ground, his gun was empty and there was a walker ready to get him. I picked up a log and hit it on the head.

- You had no weapon? How did you survive on your own without a weapon?

- I guess I'm good at hiding, she shrugged.

Then, keen to change the subject:

- He's a good lad, your Carl. Very brave, and very smart.

- Yeah. He's had to grow up too fast, though. This isn't the kinda world I was hoping to bring up my children in.

Dani looked sideways at his face.

- I'm sorry, she said, and she meant it.

* * *

Rick eventually went to sleep and Daryl took the next watch.

Dani wrapped herself up in her sleeping bag and watched him between her half-closed eyelids. If she had met him in the old world, she would have disliked him. She had always looked down on his sort. He came across as gruff, rude, abrupt, and he clearly had anger issues. He was uncouth and uneducated, not someone she could have half a decent conversation with. But all those judgements, they were from the old world. Nothing was the same. Hell, Dani wasn't the same she used to be, not by a long shot. She grimaced.

Daryl was a man of few words. She liked that. Despite the squirrel incident, he hadn't even attempted to talk to her. She was beginning to think that dropping them on her lap was a genuine act of kindness, not an attempt to scowl her or question her. Maybe.

At any rate, he had more to him than met the eye. Here was a man with incredible survival skills, fantastic agility and strength. In this new world, he was king. He needed no one, and he could easily have asserted himself as leader. Yet, he never did. Dani had noticed how he'd wait for Rick to take the initiative, then do whatever was required without questions. She had seen how he would always put the group's safety and well-being before his own, sparing no effort, showing no concern for his own needs. And there was more. Deep within his eyes, she could see a craving for approval, an aching need to feel wanted and to belong. She would never have thought about the feelings of a damn redneck before. But now, reflected in Daryl's eyes, she could see the same wordless plea that constantly reeled in her own mind: _Please, take me in._

Still, just because she felt she understood him, didn't mean he would understand her. He would have no qualms about ridding the group of any potential threat, this was a certainty. She had to remain wary, not let her guard down under any circumstance.

Dani closed her eyes completely and tried to rest. However, she wouldn't rest for long.


	10. Alive still

"Walkers!"

Daryl's hiss made everyone's eyes snap open. Within seconds everyone was up and armed, looking down the slope. The clouds had cleared and the moonlight revelead a group of maybe twenty walkers heading in their direction. The putrid smell wafted up to them, filling their mouths and noses, making them gag. Lori bent double and threw up.

Rick had to make a quick decision. The sound of gunshots would undoubtedly attract more; but twenty was a large group to take on using only knives and pickaxes. Daryl's crossbow would take down a few before it came to close combat, though. Were their chances good enough?

"Formation." Rick ordered. He and Daryl faced the incoming threat. T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie and Hershel were guarding the back and side of the group, while Carl stood in front of Lori, Carol and Beth. Dani placed herself in the middle too.

The sharp thuds of arrows hitting their mark rang through the cold night air. One walker's skull literally collapsed on itself when shot, which made Dani feel sick to her stomach. Still the rest of them approached - self-preservation was an instinct they did not possess, only the burning hunger for the flesh of the living drove them.

One more corpse hit the ground. And one more. Yet now, they were too close for arrows and the men thrust forward with knives and pickaxes, piercing through crumbling bone. They tried to maintain a close formation, but as Glenn and Maggie stepped to the side to take a few more down, Carl's left flank was left unprotected. The boy didn't let that freak him out, though, and he held his knife high, ready for any advancing walker. Dani stepped closer to him.

Their strategy seemed to work as one by one, the walkers bit the dust. "Take that, sonofabitch!" Daryl growled as he dispatched the last one with the stock of his crossbow.

As the dead were no longer a menace for now, the living could breathe again. They looked at each other, weary but victorious. They were alive still.

Daryl kicked one of the corpses with vicious hatred. "Yer disease-ridden, stinkin' rottin' sonofobitch, yer shit's all over my bow. Shithead."

"It was a human being once, Daryl," a soft voice said.

Dani regretted the words as soon as they had escaped her lips. All eyes were on her now and as Carl's gaze met hers, he shook his head slightly.

"Well it sure wasn't human no more when it came up to chew our flesh off, ya stupid gal," Daryl grumbled.

Mercifully, Rick came to her defense.

"It's OK, Dani. We all lost people. We lost people who got bit. We know what you mean."

Slowly people relaxed and started settling in again, hoping to catch a few more hours sleep. Dani was about to lie down herself when Maggie grabbed her arm. Dani flinched.

- You know, I knew you weren't the bravest woman around, but what you just did was disgusting. I've never seen such cowardice in my whole life.

- What are you talking about?

- Hiding behind Carl, a twelve-year-old kid, when walkers were all around us? Seriously? I have no respect for you anymore, Dani, the other woman spat.

Dani's cheeks burnt with anger as she watched Maggie storm off. She hadn't been _hiding_ behind Carl. She'd been standing close to him to keep him a little safer. Yet she knew Maggie wouldn't understand or believe her, and she let her shoulders slump in surrender. Let the woman think what she would.


	11. Vicious new world

- No offense, but that was a really stupid thing to say, Carl scowled, as if Dani had been the child.

- I know that. I know. But it's true. They _were_ people once.

- Look, we can't - we can't look at them as 'people', Dani. I'm really sorry, but we can't. I don't quite know how it works, when they come back, but all they want is dinner. And we're it.

- I know! Do you really think you need to tell me that? I heard my family get ripped apart, Carl. Don't forget that. I know it's us or them, so to speak. It's just... protecting ourselves is one thing. Being vicious is quite another. I can't stand it.

- Oh, come on!

- Let me tell you something I saw before I met you guys, OK? I was trekking through the woods, hoping to stay unnoticed and get some food. I knew there were walkers around and I just kept out of their way. Then I heard engines and I sneaked up to the road to see. Do you want to know what I saw?

- Go on, Carl shrugged.

- There were people - a whole group of them. They had trapped a few walkers and I thought, they're going to dispose of them, which is only right - as we said, it's about survival. Only, they didn't kill them. They had them trapped in chains. That guy came up to each walker, laughing and shouting, and then he pulled their teeth out with a big pair of pliers. Then he kept hitting and kicking them till - till bits of them were flying off everywhere. I felt sick seeing it. Then they drove off with the walkers in the back of the truck. Why would anyone do that, you tell me?

- I dunno, Carl mumbled. Maybe they were just letting off steam or something.

- It was vicious! I swear to you, the look on that guy's face, the guy with the pliers, it was pure viciousness. He was enjoying it. And I saw the same viciousness in Daryl's eyes when he kicked that walker. It's so messed up. I hate this. I hate the way the world has become.

Carl felt at loss. How could he deal with the emotions that stormed within Dani, let alone help her through them? He hated seeing his friend so upset, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to make her feel better. And he knew things would only get worse. If only there was any hope in this world, for any of them. But there was none.

He didn't allow himself to cry. He knew he had to be strong. For his Mom, for his Dad, and for Dani.

He replayed his father's words in his mind.

"We're all gonna die. Me, your Mom... and there's no way you can ever be ready for it."

He hated to think about it because not only was he completely helpless against that fact, he knew the adults were, too. Things were _not_ going to get better. Not for Carl. Not for his Mom and the baby. Not for his Dad. And certainly not for Dani.

"Hey. Hey, Carl, it's OK. I'm sorry, I shouldn't put this on you. Don't cry." Dani implored.

Shit, so he'd been crying after all. He just gave up and slumped on the floor. Dani sat by him and held him.

"I'm sorry, Carl. You're my friend. You've been the bestest friend I could hope for. Thank you. Carl. Please don't cry."

Dani held the boy who was trying so hard to be tough, the boy who was still a child. She held the boy who could destroy her just by saying a few words to the others, the boy she trusted still. They sat there as the skyline above the trees slowly turned to gold in the morning light.


	12. Hunger

Hunger was tearing at her guts. She had been hoping that maybe it would ease off and get better - that maybe she could get used to it. Instead, it got worse and worse. The pain was clawing at her, relentless, merciless. It filled her every thought. She was barely aware of a continuous, monotonous motion and noise around her, and of something digging uncomfortably into her ribs.

She had been a perfectionist in the old world. She had been able to train her body, to subject it to her will as she danced. She had ignored stiff muscles and joints, repeating the same movement over and over until it reached the ideal, smooth fluidity she wanted. She could mould her muscles like clay, and they would transform her into a bird, a swan, a butterfly. She had felt beautiful and untouchable. She had ignored hunger many times, trying to keep that elvish, graceful dancer silhouette that others envied. Yet now, the hunger was so much stronger than it had ever been, and her body was so much weaker. She hated losing control in such a way.

_Food. I need food. _A red cloud danced before her eyes. Her head was spinning and her eyes were burning. _I need to eat._

She tried to breathe in. Maybe that would calm her. She inhaled slowly, focusing on the air reaching her windpipes, her lungs. She tried to hold it for a bit, then slowly exhaled through her nose. It tickled her nostrils, but it couldn't distract her from the cramps.

_So hungry. Food._

She gasped and opened and closed her mouth. It felt dry and sore and hot.

_Food. Please, please._ She pressed her hands against her stomach, trying to suppress the feeling, but it was no use. She bent double in sheer agony.

"Dani, are you OK?" a child's voice asked.

A child had spoken to her. Who was he?

She thought frantically, clenching her fists, eyes screwed shut.

_My name is Dani. I am twenty-three years old. I have found people. I am no longer alone. I have friends. Carl is my friend._

That was the boy's name. Carl.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, sat in the back seat next to her. She could feel the monotonous, rocking motion of the car. She could hear the engine roaring, and the cross of a gun was painfully digging into her ribs.

"I'm OK. Just tired", she smiled weakly.

Inside, she shuddered. It wasn't getting any better, and it frightened her.


	13. Mercy

They had been driving for most of the day until the heavy rain made the track impracticable. Rick chose a field with a clear view all around and they stopped the vehicles. There was nothing for it, they'd have to sit tight and wait.

The rain battered the car. In the front Lori and Rick sat in heavy silence. The woman's jaw was tight. Her husband was tapping his fingers on the dashboard nervously and she was clearly annoyed, but she didn't dare say anything. Dani guessed Carl could feel the thickness of the air, the wedge driven between his own parents. The boy was perceptive, and her heart went out to him.

She put her arm around him and gave him a gentle squeeze. He rested his head on her shoulder then frowned and sat up again.

- I stink, don't I? she whispered.

- It's OK, he shrugged. You can't help that. You're still my friend.

Dani managed a smile. "Thanks, Carl."

Eventually the rain stopped, and people got out of their vehicles to assess the situation. Soon Rick and Hershel were debating whether to push on, or whether the darkness would reach them before they could find a better spot to spend the night. Daryl stood at a little distance, surveying the surroundings.

Dani sat on a stone and ran her fingers through her hair absentmindedly. She never attempted to be part of the decision process. She wished she could be more obviously helpful, but they probably considered her a dead weight. She laughed to herself bitterly, then gasped as she looked down at her hand.

Not only had her fingers caught a big clump of hair, but a small chunk of skin as well. This, on top of the wounds on her arm that would never heal, that got worse day by day, filled her with disgust. Not to mention the waves of savage hunger that seemed to cloud her thinking more and more frequently. She could no longer ignore what was happening. Her body was slipping out of her control, and she had to do something about it.

She got up, and without hesitation, she walked up to Daryl.

- Daryl. I need a favour.

- Depends on the favour, he grumbled without looking at her.

- It's a big one. After we've had this conversation, I'm going to walk to the middle of the field, and I want you to shoot me in the head, she said matter-of-factly.

Suddenly she had his full attention. He looked at her with unblinking eyes.

- Did ya get bit?

- See, that's why I asked you. I knew you'd get it.

She paused, inhaled deeply.

- To answer your question: yes, I did. I was bitten three weeks ago, when my family got killed.

- How come ya didn' turn? His brow creased in puzzlement.

- That's the whole point. I did.

Daryl narrowed his eyes.

- What d'ya mean, ya turned? Yer standin' there talkin' te me an' all.

- I guess I'm some kind of freak occurrence.

- I dun get it.

- I told you. I was bitten just before I managed to hide in that storeroom. I had no more bullets. I knew I was going to turn and there was nothing I could do. The fever, Daryl – you have no idea how it burns, it felt like melted iron inside my veins. In the end I passed out. And then I awoke. Or rather, I came back. I just knew.

- Yer bullshittin' me.

- Am not.

She stepped closer.

- Look at my eyes. Do they look alive to you?

She opened them wide, revealing the dull, veiled pupils she usually kept hidden under her hair, the dark, sunken shadows underneath her eyes, her swollen, chapped lips. For the first time, Daryl saw how livid her skin looked. He stared in shock. Maybe she wasn't bullshittin' at all, he thought.

- Here's the bite. I won't ever heal, only rot.

She slowly, carefully pulled up her sleeve, revealing a dark purplish sore that was oozing slightly and smelled putrid. The cloth stuck to the skin and tore some more off, revealing more dark flesh.

- I have no idea why I can still talk and think and other walkers can't. All I know is I woke and I knew I was dead. And I feel the hunger for flesh worse than anything.

- What the fuck did ya eat? he gagged in disgust.

He was gripping his crossbow, ready to raise it in the fraction of a second.

- Rats. Stray dogs. Meat I'd find in store refrigerators. Your squirrels. I didn't touch _people_, Daryl. D'you think I would? Would you, if you became this and you could still think?

- That's crazy.

- It's crazier for me than for you. I am watching my own flesh rot. I can't take it anymore. But that's not the worst of it.

She paused again. Talking was becoming so much of an effort.

- What if the decay affects my brain? What if I lose my awareness and turn on you people? That's why I'm asking you to end it for me. Please.

He looked at her, his brow creasing intensely, perplexed.

- What do I tell the others?

- Tell them the truth. Tell them I got bit and turned. Carl will back you up.

- Carl? What the hell?

- Carl knows. I've had to tell him. Kid's been a star. But now, when he gives me a hug, I can see him wrinkling his nose. I really stink, she sniggered bitterly, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Daryl gazed at her quietly. Her gaunt face, her thin shoulders draped by her hair held a strange and tragic beauty, as if mirroring the dignity of her request.

- I'll do it.

He asked no more questions, didn't try to convince her otherwise; but at the same time, there was no hostility in his eyes.

Dani looked over at Carl, chatting with Beth and laughing several paces away. The boy still knew laughter, despite everything. Dani hoped he'd understand her decision, although guilt gnawed at her for the pain she'd cause him. Still, the group were family, somehow, and endanger them was something she couldn't do. She looked back to Daryl.

- Thank you, she whispered wearily.

Then she turned around and walked slowly, purposefully towards the middle of the field while Daryl fitted a bolt to his crossbow. His teeth were clenched as he watched her fall.


	14. Requests for more

**Author's note:**

Some of you have requested I write more chapters for this story. I have thought about it long and hard, but I think the story has a nice sense of completion to it, as the last chapter comes back full circle to chapter one, which describes Dani's death.

However, I am busy writing how some of the characters might have felt after she died. I'm posting those as short chapters of a new story called "Eulogy for a Walker". Feel free to check it out and review.

www . fanfiction s/ 8917464 /1/ Eulogy-for-a-Walker (It won't let me paste a link, so you'll have to remove the spaces, sorry.)

Thanks!


End file.
